In my youth, the overshadowing presence of doom in my life was my father. A Marine who made Robert Duvall in "The Great Santini" look like a pussy. He was everything I hated, a stern badass who loved America and would die for it.

I, on the other hand, was a child of a new generation. Peace, music and "let me do my own thing" was my way of thinking. Don't expect me to cut my hair. Die for you? Kill for you?! Don't be an idiot... I remember waiting until the last day possible to sign up for the draft. It was my attempt at passive resistance. I remember being interviewed by a local paper about a military action that was happening at the time. I remember saying "No way, We don't need another Vietnam"

I thought that was being righteous. How wrong can a person be? My father, in a moment of uncharacteristic understanding, once said to me "I can understand your need to spit, but must it be into the wind?" I didn't understand what he meant and figured it was just another way to "keep me down".

So, I lived a great part of my life hating. I thought my father was a hate-monger, but I was no better. My dad's version of motivation was "you don't have to like it, you just have to do it"... Maybe not the best way to lead, but that was all he knew.

For all his faults, I finally realize that some things I learned from him actually were important. Loyalty, love of country, respect for women, have convictions, intelligence can coincide with strength, and most importantly "no one has all the answers".

Looking back, I could romanticize it and say "I wouldn't change a thing" but I'd be lying. I wish my father would have been able to express his feelings without having to scream. I wish he could have understood mine, without feeling betrayed. Years as a family were lost in an alcohol drenched self pity. My sister, who never had any connection with him, lived her life in a state of "hatred by means of apathy". My brother tried to live up to his standard and almost lost his life trying.

After all this, what have I learned?

Live your life by YOUR standards, not someone elses...

Let others live thier own life UNLESS it infringes on yours...

Respect others and Command Respect, do not DEMAND respect...

People will make mistakes, I don't blame people for their mistakes, but I do ask that they pay for them...

Just remember this...

Prophets, Gods and snake handlers...
Artists, dreamers and thieves...
Healers, kings and monsters...
Will end up on thier knees...

In the end, life brings them all to the same place...